part 4 of thailand. i've got a fuckload of these things... maybe even too many for me to do before i lose interest.
on a completely unrelated note... i thought of a new pick up line the other day: 'would you mind terribly if i ghost rid my nuts into your chin?' (it works on chicks and dewdz).
renting motorbikes in thailand is fugin awezum. freedom, yo.
you just gotta watch out for the packs of wild puppies that try to eat your legs.
time to venture into the wilderness and check out some shit.
wilderness means excercise.
and also means three foot long edamame looking things hanging from the trees.
i don't think any of us knew we were heading up to a temple but it happened. it does happen.
buddist sayings are a mix between shakespeare and bukowski. they sound poetic and classy but they're simple and straight forward.
i killed this cat as a sacrifice to show buddha that it's ok to be fat and that you can't love others until you learn to love yourself. i don't know if he got the message.
i've only seen termite mounds on discovery channel.
no, i'm not gay.
we ran into a cock on the way back. i've seen these things in real life but they're usually longer.
a lot of people cruised around with their youngins' sandwiched on their motorbikes. occasionally, you'd see 4 or 5 preteen boys and girls on one motorbike. that shit was so hot.
'don't smoke unless you're english'.
i remember the first time i went rock climbing. i thought i'd be pretty good at it and i've wanted to try it for a long time. sloths spend most of their time hanging from trees and are slower and sleep more than any other animal. i figure we've got a lot more in common than just looks.
i made it to the top on my first try. for all i know, little kids do that shit all the time and i'm not really that cool but, at one point, i wasn't sure i was gonna make it and started shaking and getting really scared. i had quite a bit of 'i remember the first times' when i was in thailand. maybe i should try to keep track of them..
i remember the first time i:
- got hit on by hookers while petting an elephant.
- went rock climbing.
- dry humped an elephant.
- posted a picture without any nudity or bloodshed in my blog and people had something to say about it.
........more to come.
vanessa had gonebefore me and was halfway up the wall before i even got my climbing shoes. she made it almost all the way up and said later for you. turns out, when she got to the bottom, the dewd didn't tie her rope right and she could've fallen off at any time. nice one, dewdz.
she went again but had other people climbing with her this time. she kicked these dewdz asses for a while but had to quit near the top again.
i rode an elephant at a circus of some sort when i was little. all i remember was seeing it take a huge shit.
this is where the elephant trainers hung out between each hike.
i rode on the elephants neck because there were three of us. a few nights later i saw a news report about the king of thailand riding an elephants neck and how it meant you were cool in some way or another. i guess i'm cool in thailand.
every so often you'd pull up to a mid jungle elephant snack shack where you could buy stuff to feed the dewd. he kept stretching his face boner up to me after that waiting for food.
we gave him some coke instead. dewd loved it.
giant mammal hair.
i'm not sure why i've always liked elephants but if it's not the fact that i feel like they're the closest living animals to dinosaurs then it might be that i heard they follow the path of fermented apples when they migrate cause they get drunk off of them. or maybe it's cause they wander off to die alone or that they're sensitive and cry even though they're not gay.
either way, it wasn't really that cool watching the trainer guy hit our dewd in the head with a mini axe when he wasn't keeping up with the rest o' the pacaderms. it made a strange, hollow 'bouncing basketball' sound when he hit him then the elephant would let out a deep ass growling rumble.
our elephant friend trying to drown his sorrows.
after the mammal ride you could hang out with them for a bit, and even though i didn't think they would hurt me, it was kind of intimidating being in the middle of them all. i didn't think it would be unwarranted for one of them to snap and take out every axe blow to the head on me. you can tell by how unsteady my hand is in this video that i was a little nervous. check out how much i shake after this dewd blew on me.
i remember the first time i got blown by an elephant.
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